Guilty As Sin

In The Flat Hat today, it seems that a mere apparent cover-up of a small amount of meaningless graft by the former SA President can be solved by a (thus far non-forthcoming) apology. I of course refer to the scandal now embroiling 404 Jamestown Road involving SA VP Zach Pilchen's THEFT (since he made no intention of paying it back unless he got caught) of $140 of the PEOPLE'S MONEY. (Aside: ALL GOVERNMENT FUNDS ARE THE PEOPLE'S MONEY, whether they were collected as tax (mandatory student fees) or independently raised. The people (students) are the government (SA). Thus any holdings of the government are holdings of the people. End aside) No, in the eyes of the sages at the allegedly non-political FH, mere "reflection" on his fitness will suffice. Wrong answer. The Japanese have a ritual in which disgraced public figures come before the press, deliver a public apology, bow, and resign in shame. This seems appropriate for Mr. Pilchen, who never had confusion with the debit card before April, but then mysteriously managed to give himself at least seven illicit liquidity advances between April and God-knows-when. And then not tell anyone about it. And apparently "misplace" the receipts. Of course, TFH's editors are far more ethically concerned than Pilchen himself, who has (thus far) neither made restitution (source: TFH) nor apologized, preferring to "gauge student response" before coming clean. Shame on him. Shame on us for electing him and Hopkins (who may be innocent of any wrongdoing, BTW) with a 50 per cent margin. But we can't possibly be faulted, since no hardworking Obama supporter could possibly engage in graft that would have made Spiro Agnew (Nixon's VP for the historically illiterate) sure he had a new protege.

FP/YC Ruling:
Straight Red, Life ban.


UPDATE: He resigned effective 1730 9/02. Source: VIO

Fair Play/Yellow Card: Blowout Edition

In the spirit of The Flat Hat's "Cheers and Jeers" feature, this edition of Fair Play/Yellow Card will be cumulative!

Fair Play

• Taylor Reveley-Without question, his forward-looking, pragmatic governance in the wake of Gene Nichol's (never heard of that guy) resignation has put the College in a better position for next year than any dared hope.


• Matt Beato-The dare-I-say-likely Councilman has run an aboveboard campaign, committed to moderate policy in both student-city relations and general city governance. If he wins, one hopes that his term will be defined by care and moderation, in addition to the signature achievement that reform of the absurd three-person law would be.


• Tribe Basketball-res ipsa loquitur.


• Tribe Women's Soccer, Women's Track, Women's Tennis-for bringing athletic glory (and some silverware) to the College while no one watched.

Yellow Card

• The Flat Hat-for showing a committment to journalistic excellence commensurate with rewriting and reproducing press releases. Journalism isn't class-you can ask questions, even of people you like, and a hundred people DON'T issue sighs of dread.


• The Virginia Informer-for incredibly biased coverage of almost everything. Even though controversy is the paper's raison d'etre, I cannot say I've read anything positive about an administrator in this paper. It is right to criticize error, but it is also right to commend proper actions.
  
• All the folks who wore T-shirts reading "If Nichol isn't welcome here then neither am I"-see you next fall.

Straight Red

• Artists-whether it is Aliza Shvarts' heaven-knows-what sort of bullshit at Yale or the dude in Guatemala starving dogs to death, it seems that putting anti-Bush words to pretty good music or depicting various nudes just isn't hardcore enough for them these days. Look, I'm all for free expression, but a simple code of behavior is necessary right now. Perhaps "Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal" would be a start.

And now, the first annual Robbie Savage award for being an all-around wanker and stuff:

• Gene Ray Nichol-could his actions in wake of his non-renewal have been any worse? Not content simply to resign, he issued an email blaming politics for his termination and inciting protest among his "Tribespeople" (my quote). Although I myself was neutral, and would have accepted the BOV's decision either way, by the end of the week I couldn't help telling Nichol to not let the door hit his arse on the way out. That, and Reveley's exceptional performance in the special legislative session puts your claims to absolute shame. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Fair Play/Yellow Card: Now Biweekly!

There's been a lot of good, solid, fucking up by the Estates General this week, so here are the midweek's bookings.

Fair Play:

1. The BOV-denied green fee action. Well done.

Yellow Card:

1. The Flat Hat-for the hit piece on John Foubert. The founder of One-in-Four was attacked in a very poorly written front-page-below-the-fold article on Tuesday that did not address the supposed reason for writing it. The piece was written in a backhanded attempt to discredit Foubert and secure support for the SA's mixed gender sexual assault prevention program.


2. The SA-spent your money on the Lips female sexuality magazine. Now, I don't suppose I could get funding for W*nker, the single male bachelor's sexuality magazine. Not that I would try or anything; I'm just trying to illustrate the absurdity of the thing. Your absurdly high student fees at work.
   

Sent Off: Second Bookable Offence

1. The Flat Hat-the Friday issue was unmitigated shit. Whether it was the unusually asinine Confusion Corner column, the pejorative use of the term "conservative" in their staff editorial, or the self-congratulatory "pat on the back" to readers of Mr. Pieprenbring's column, this Friday's issue earned a vote of no confidence from your haughty correspondent. In punishment for your week of FAIL, humanity fines you Z$100 (<$.01).

Straight Red

1. The "Sadler Celebration": My God, ten people sitting in a circle handling themselves would be less of a circle-jerk than the five minutes of that I sat through. Had Sadler been the center of attention, had the emcee not spent his time massaging the egos of the student organizations, had Sadler given a rally-the-troops, my-god-this-is-a-great-place-thanks-for-the-memories speech (which he might have, later, after all 150 spectators not participating left in disgust), there might have been the dignity I expected. Had the "parade of banners" consisted of the banner-carriers escorting Sadler on his ceremonial walk around campus, it may have had dignity. But it didn't. Madame President Hopkins, since you are the captain of the SA's ship, humanity holds you responsible for the EPIC FAIL in the amount of Z$200 (<$.01).

W&M Controversy, Distilled to English Football Songs

I will now attempt to encapsulate the positions of the principal actors in the College's present controversies in English football songs. Here goes.

SNBR:
We'll be having a party when Nichol's gone,
We'll be having a party when Nichol's gone,
We'll be having a party when Nichol's gone,
We'll be having a party when Nichol's gone!
etc. ad infinitum

The Student Assembly:
Ten men went to bed (Yay!) went to bed with Oakley,
Nine men eight men seven men six men five men four men
three men two men one man (and we'll pay and call it art) went
to bed with Oakley!

The Virginia Informer:
If you hate Nichol stand up,
If you hate Nichol stand up,
If you hate Nichol stand up,
etc. ad infinitum

The Flat Hat: (to The Informer)
You werent around! (You werent around!)
Four years ago! (Four years ago!)
You werent around four years ago,
So just shut up and let us do our jobs,
And get good ol' Gene re-newed.

The House of Delegates:
Vi-si-tors, woaoh,
Vi-si-tors, woaoh,
We'll laugh ourselves to bits,
And then give you the shits!

Most Everybody Else to the House:
Hu-go, whover you may be,
You won't ax Nichol and you won't stop me,
I said fuck off and I meant just that-
Don't laugh at me you two-faced twat!

IHeartNichol
You are my Nichol,
My only Nichol,
My glorious leader,
Enlightened saviour,
Words just can't tell you
How much I love him,
Oh please don't take my Nichol away!

Overly simplistic, yes, but a good indicator of group opinion, no?

Musings of a "Hysterical Xenophobe"

Why in God's name did The Flat Hat feel it necessary to endorse primary candidates? First off, given the paper's open hostility to anything right of Ted Kennedy (hereforward and forever known as TK), why would they bother endorsing in the Republican race? As if Republicans are going to change their votes because a rather left-of-centre editorial staff endorsed a candidate? If anything, they'll vote for the other guy. Now, the endorsement of Barack H. Obama was predictable (I suspect the same in early November), and since I would wager most who bother to read the Flat Hat op-eds are practicing libs, it may shift a vote or two. But the one thing I have against Obama's candidacy is that it is dishonest. The National Journal found Obama the most liberal Senator in the Senate over the past year (rating: 95). He is left of Hillary, TK, Feingold, Webb, all of them, but the media let him come off a centrist. Obama is not a centrist, he just plays one on TV. "Post-partisanship" in Obama's world is really more along the lines of "We are all Keynesians now" (BTW, that quote is from Nixon) than "Let's disagree with civility."

Oh, one more thing: I'm glad to see that The Flat Hat is committed to ending stereotyping. Really, I am.

Basketball home vs. Hofstra-this one's a must win, plain and simple.